My Piece

This is a peice I wrote yesterday. I know it's probably not so good, but can you please read it?

Good thing, too. If she hadn't’t put the Herbs on, oh, what could have happened! Her arm would probably be so painful…
To be precise, *some name* would have wailed in pain, and said “Oh, please, now can I have some?” And she would have sat down, kneeling, pleading, with her hands exactly two feet above the floor. She would beg them for exactly thirty-eight seconds before her parents gave in, and took two minutes sharp to bring up the little pinprick of a jar to her. And yes, until they gave in, her arm was so painful. But only six and three quarters times as painful.
Yes. *some name* confirmed, it would be much worse, much worse in that other world. Where was it, anyway? Where was that place, where she would not take the Herbs, where her father did not accept the job offer, where she even cheated on a test? She knew it couldn't’t be near, though. Probably in a whole different universe.
But now, in this world, not in another universe, not in another galaxy, not even in another town, *some name* was about to go to sleep, here on Earth.
Suddenly, she woke up. Or was it she who woke? Somebody woke, somebody who did not deserve to have the power even to wake. Somebody in another universe, in another galaxy, in another town.

If it's not to much trouble, could you leave a comment about my peice where it says Comments at the bottom of the entry? Especially what I should name my character. Thanks so much.
~ Anna